#69 The future is under no obligation to comply
Because most of the time, we need to engage with other people
I have an intellectual crush!
One great thing happened during the pandemic: Oliver Burkeman had the time to sit down and write the book “Four thousand weeks”. I came across his work at some point at The Guardian and became an instant fan. He reinvented the self-help genre with a distinctly British grace — skeptical, nuanced, and allergic to any form of one-size-fits-all wisdom.
The main point of his book is simple — and uncomfortably true: our life is finite, and we have roughly 4000 weeks to benefit from. Also, the day will never arrive when you finally have everything under control.
Nobody in the history of humanity has ever achieved “work-life balance”, whatever that might be. It is never going to happen. Burkeman makes a convincing case, quoting writers, philosophers, and even Jung, that accepting this is the first step toward genuine peace.
Freedom, it turns out, can be terribly lonely company
My curiosity about the topic of freedom, though, forced me to pay attention to some other points that he made.
As you remember, when I quit my full-time job two years ago, I initially equated professional freedom with independence from any organizational structure or employer. The more I explored it, though, the less I liked it. Over time, I have done quite a few freelance projects and one-off consultations. Eventually, I had to admit: it is a very solitary experience, and I very much missed being part of the team where a group of people is working toward something together.
Indeed, the only person making decisions about my time was me, I set my own hours, worked whenever and wherever I chose, traveled when I wished. All of that was present and was a lot of fun.
I agree, however, with Burkeman, that this degree of control comes at a cost that’s ultimately not worth paying. At least for me.
As he brilliantly formulated: “to do important things with time, it has to be synchronized with other people’s. In fact, having large amounts of time but no opportunity to use it collaboratively isn’t just useless but actively unpleasant.”
The courage to cooperate
Another level of complexity that this conclusion creates is even further reduction of control over your life. This insight lands with unsettling precision: the more meaningful something is — love, friendship, creative work, raising a child, building a business — the more it requires other people. Which means, inevitably, the less control you have.
Burkeman calls it “the emotional uncertainty of human relationship.”
That, my friends, is the strongest blocking factor for many, including myself. The freedom to act, especially in a new area of life, comes from the acceptance of zero control over how other people respond and whether you can rely on them.
That’s why it’s easier to stay in the status quo. Familiarity gives us the illusion of control. We already know the script. Nothing unexpected can happen there — and that safety can be addictive.
The inevitability of settling
Burkeman also writes about “settling” — the modern fear of commitment, the terror that we might choose something (or someone) less than ideal. We hold out for perfection, hoping to stay open to all possibilities.
The irony is brutal. In refusing to settle, you settle anyway—just for a different kind of mediocrity. It means choosing to spend your limited time in the false comfort of potential, never quite living, only imagining.
Choose the adventure
Burkeman also echoes my thoughts about treating life as a research project. Not knowing what’s coming next presents an ideal opportunity for choosing curiosity (wondering what might happen next) over worry (hoping that a certain specific thing will happen next, and fearing it might not) whenever you can.
If I merge all those points together, the conclusion is kind of sobering and relieving at the same time. We do not have a lot of time, most of the fun things involve other people who behave as they want, not as we expect them to. At the same time, we can surprise ourselves as well and behave unexpectedly. This makes any collaboration a bit of a lottery with unknown probability of success, so the only sane way of dealing with this uncertainty is to treat it as an adventure.
What is freedom, then? I will continue figuring things out as I write!
Until next time,
Nat
📚 To read:
“Four thousand weeks” by Oliver Burkeman
The imperfectionist - Burkeman’s twice-monthly newsletter